The Voices in My Head


My husband gave me some new running clothes for Christmas.
He gave me some warm, reflective running tights, for the dark, cold morning runs on The Hill.
And he gave me a sleek, fitted jacket to wear instead of the bulky sweatshirt I’ve been wearing, the one that actually belongs to my eldest son.
I was thrilled when I opened them and before Christmas day ended I had worn them on a run.
I went running the next day and the next, each time feeling great as I pulled on my new running clothes.

I am ashamed to admit it, but there was a time when a gift of running clothes would have made me mad.
Or at the very least, would have hurt my feelings.
You see, I would have chosen to interpret those gifts from yourdiamondteacher as something other than what they were.
When my husband gave them to me, what he was saying was, “you love to run, you want to run, you need clothes that will make that easier for you. I love you and want to support you in this thing you are trying to do.”
But I would have opened those gifts and heard this message instead, “you’re fat.”

My husband has never chided me about my weight.
He never suggested I work out more or get to the gym.
It was not until I began working out with LBBC and discovered how much I loved it, that he encouraged me to keep exercising.
He told me he was proud of me.
He extended my one month trial membership to an ongoing one for however long I wanted to continue it.
He became my biggest cheerleader.
I’m sure he would have done those things for me before, but I never gave him the chance to because I was too busy listening to the other voices in my head instead of his.

And even though I have had nothing but support from him throughout this journey toward health and fitness, I still struggle with those voices.
I still sometimes chose to listen to them instead of listening to the truth.
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I was struggling to get in regular workouts.
My husband was finishing up his first semester of grad school, and I was trying to cover everything else, do all the holiday stuff–you get the picture.
There were lots of late nights and lots of missed workouts.
It was really bumming me out, so I made plans to run the hill one Friday morning, laid my clothes and shoes set out, set 4 alarms, and made a promise to myself that I’d get up and go.
But when my alarm went off, I rolled over and thought,”not today, I’m too tired.”
Then I felt my husband rubbing my shoulders and back, every so gently.
“What’s wrong with him?” I ask “Why won’t he let me sleep?”
I was irritated.
I wanted to tell him to leave me alone.
But he was being nice and so I tried to be too.
He kept at it and eventually I said, “I guess I’ll get up and go run.”

It wasn’t until I had run a while, and woken up a bit, that I could really think  about what had happened.
Aaron knew I wanted to run, and in the most gentle way he could, he helped me wake up go running when in a moment of pre dawn weakness, I was choosing not to.
As much as a part of me wanted to be mad that he was “forcing” me to run, or to be hurt that he was saying I “needed” to run, I couldn’t honestly believe that is what he meant.
He was supporting me.
And the voices in my head saying otherwise were just lies.

I’m hopeful I’m not the only one with voices.
But I don’t think I am.
Your voices may not say the same thing as mine, but they’re telling you things that aren’t true.
Things like, “you can’t do it.”
Or, “you’re not making a progress.”
Or, “you’ll never change.”
Don’t listen to them.
Instead, listen to the people that are cheering you on.
I’ll start.


Make this the year you put those voices to rest.
Think positive.
You can do this!
I believe in you.
I believe in me.
Now get out there and keep on Living Fit!